Ramping Up, Blessing the Parting: hope in the midst of a bad divorce.

Friends--

It has been a while since I posted. I will soon be posting furiously (I  mean that in terms of urgency and frequency; I hope I do not mean it in terms of anger and frustration) as I anticipate, once again, attending the General Conference of the UMC in Minneapolis this coming May. I will not be there for the whole event, but plan to head-up on Mother's Day, May 10, and stay to the bitter end on May 15.

I am clear that this is NOT the death of Mr. Wesley's church--not substantively or obviously. But it feels like a real end, and also a new beginning.

I keep thinking about Abraham and Lot: when the land could not support both of them, their flocks and herds, and when their servants were quarreling among one another, Father Abraham said to his nephew, "You take the left, and I will go to the right. You take the right, and I will go to the left. Is not the whole land before us? We are kinsmen; we need not be fighting (or, as my friend Talbot Davis said recently, "Life is too short" (https://wesleyancovenant.org/2020/01/27/lifes-too-short/).

And so they separated, uncle and nephew, and it was painful. As it was painful when Jacob and Laban parted. And when Paul and the elders in Ephesus. As it was painful when Jesus was parted from the Father or, later, from the disciples at his Ascension. Parting is always hard.

But if you can part with a blessing... 

Years ago, almost a decade, when my wife was ready to part from me for a second and final time, we took one more stab at counseling. We had already spent a small fortune on counselors and had tried valiantly--I want to believe--to try to find a way to stay together and flourish (though, in truth, for a long time we brought out only the worst in each other), we would go to the counselor's office and repeat the same tired arguments, say the same damned things, blame the other for a crime we shared, and feel righteous in the fact that other was so recalcitrant... finally, there was no use. No way really to discuss. Only one sad decision left to be made, which was already made, in truth, but had to be said out loud.

It was awful. Terrible. Embarrassing. A blow the credibility of our purported faith in Jesus, forgiveness, reconciliation and peace-making. Our kids suffered SO much, though they were grown. Nothing good about any of it.

Since she left, she remarried--and contracted a horrible disease that will soon take her away from us.

I remained single, grieved and lonely, yet somehow feeding off the loneliness as if it were manna.

One grand-baby has been born. Another is due. We have managed a few more helpful conversations in the last few months--as if to say, I am sorry it came to that, I am sorry, period, I wish it had been different, but I am glad that on the other side of the intractable disagreements and agrievements we have found our way and place, separately, but able to cherish what we had in common...

A mutual blessing after the fact. And so redemptive.

It may have been too much to expect a blessing in the midst of the parting. But on the downside we have managed it.

That is my hope for the UMC, too. It may be too much, now, to expect the RMN, the WCA, Good News, Uniting Methodists, UMNext and whoever to bless whomever, but I believe there will come a time when we can do that, and celebrate all we have shared and the good that came from our covenant and, dare I say, "marriage," despite our differences,

I feel each "side" could arrogantly boast, "They went out from us, but they were not of us, because if they were of us they would not have gone out from us" (I John 2:19). But that helps...what did Talbot say?...No One.

Better to pray for the other, to bless the other, to emulate Father Abraham (if we truly want to be his children and heirs) and bless the parting.

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In May, I will once again go to the site of the GC and report from there as an interested, engaged, invested observer. I have no special wisdom. Just a love for Jesus, the Bible, the Church (and its self-identifying rituals, Baptism and Eucharist).

In a day or two I will post my thoughts about how to read the texts as regards these matters. I have told my congregation: I love you too much NOT to tell you the truth of where I am, what I believe, where I hope to lead us. Too many of my colleagues are like Jack Lemon in Mass Appeal: I did not love you enough to tell you the truth. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_Appeal.

So... here we go. It is a few months out, but I have today made plane reservations, hotel reservations (with a lot of help from a friend). I will be there May 10-15, and I will post many times a day.

Between now and then, a few preliminaries and other thoughts. But you ramp-up too. I offer all of this to you as a gift,

Peace of Christ, Tom